Chapter III

            I didn’t know whether I was relieved, disappointed, or excited. Or maybe it was all of those things.

“Landon… thank you… Wow…”

“You like it, right?” Landon stared at me, seemingly trying to read my expression and understandably so.

“Of course I do dear! Yes!” I took the white envelope from his hands and slipped the two tickets out that read “Bonnaroo.”

“You seem… confused?” Landon looked at me questionably.

“No, I- I was just not expecting this.” I looked up at him. “Not that it’s bad!”

“Was there something you were expecting?” Landon asked.  I looked down at the tickets. “I mean… fancy dinner, saying you have a surprise, being together for a year… I just thought-“ Landon stared at me for a few seconds before I saw the light go on.

“Oh my gosh. Lyla… wow. I did not mean to lead you on like that. Look, I didn’t even think- I’m really sorry.”

“No it’s okay! Really! I’m actually pretty relieved.”

“Oh, good.” Landon seemed to relax but only for a second. “Wait… relieved? Why? Why would you be relieved?”

“No, Landon, that’s not what I meant I swear.”

“Okay, so what did you mean then Lyla?” My eyes darted around. My mind raced trying to find some way to justify my response. “I love you Landon. I really do. I just don’t know if I’m ready for… marriage yet.”

“Have you two decided what you would like to eat yet?” The nicely dressed waiter seemed to appear out of nowhere.

“Oh, I think we need a few more minutes,” I stated as Landon and I picked up our menus. The waiter nodded and walked away.

Landon set his menu down as quickly as he picked it up. “Lyla, please tell me what you’re thinking. I thought marriage was something you wanted!”

“Please Landon, can we not do this right now? Let’s talk about it later.” Landon appeared defeated. “Landon,” I reached across the table for his hand. “I love you. I love your gift. I absolutely love it. Seriously. Thank you so much my sweet, kind, wonderful boyfriend. Now let’s enjoy our nice dinner, okay?” Landon looked up and smiled at me. “Okay my sweet, kind, wonderful girlfriend.” I squeezed his hand before letting go to hold my menu. 

vvv

            Sunday night bible study was always my favorite time of the week. There’s something about getting together with others to discuss the most important book and most important man in the world. What could be more fulfilling and purposeful than that? It was also a time I was able to get together with some of my favorite people; my sister Lavonne, her husband David, Landon, Jasmine, and my brother Luke. I also loved Allison, our group leader. Her theological and authentic approach was what really drew me in. She also had a way with prophecy, which many people have ridiculed her for. I truly admired her gift and often wished God had granted me the gift of prophecy, but maybe that’s just because I thought it was cool. What kind of reason is that?

            As we sat in the cozy church prayer room immersed in a deep conversation about Romans 14, my mind wandered. I thought about marriage and commitment and if I would ever be able to do it. My eyes were also drawn to the newest member of our young adult study group, Aiden, whom we were introduced to earlier. Easthaven was a small town but I didn’t recognize him. I wondered about his story. How he found this church and why he joined our study group.

“What do you think Lyla?” I looked around to see Allison and the rest of the group staring at me, waiting for a response.

“Oh, uh, sorry. What was the question?” I stammered.

“She saaaiiddd… what should you do if you knew a brother or sister was doing wrong?” My brother Luke reported in a rather overdramatized manner. I knew he was just trying to be funny as always.

“Thanks Luke,” I sarcastically smirked. “Well, first of all… don’t judge them. That is not our job. Our job is to love and show mercy and compassion.” I looked up at Allison to see her nodding. I continued, “And I guess it depends on your level of friendship with the person. You have to have a stable foundation with them before you start calling them out on things.” I stared down at my notebook as I spoke.

“Yeah, I agree,” David affirmed. I was glad my thoughts were interrupted for this discussion.  It was something I felt very passionately about. Landon looked at me and lovingly placed his arm around my waist. I smiled and put my arm around him in return. “Also,” Aiden resumed, “don’t you think some people in the church act as Pharisees of our day?” I noticed Allison eye him questionably. “You know, Pharisees were all about rules and sticking to the law, when Jesus was all about love and mercy. He didn’t judge sinners. He ate with them. He loved them. He showed them compassion and mercy. Lately I feel like the church is full of people saying things like ‘oh, that person can’t be a Christian because they drink alcohol or listen to a certain kind of music.’ Like she said,” he motioned towards me, “that is not our job. Our job is to love.” The group nodded in agreement. Allison smiled at him. “Exactly. You’re right.” She nodded and continued to lead the discussion as the group listened intently. I tried to focus on the rest of the conversation but something about Aiden and his words distracted me. They made me think. Why was I so easily distracted?

            “I like what you said about the church being Pharisees of our day.” I stated awkwardly after saying my goodbyes to the group as they left the room. Aiden and I were left behind packing up the rest of our stuff.

“Oh, thanks.” Aiden looked up and smiled crookedly. “It was just something that’s been on my mind lately. It was cool that we talked about it today.” He continued to gather his belongings. “I liked what you said too, about not calling people out on things and stuff.” I didn’t even know Aiden but something about his demeanor radiated kindness and understanding. His eyes were a soft brown with hair to match. I wanted to continue the conversation, but my mind went blank. It always seemed to be so busy, running with questions and ideas, until someone was standing in front of me.

“You are… Layla?”

“Lyla,” I corrected.

“Oh, right. Sorry. Lyla.”

“It’s all good.” I got up to leave the room, not knowing what else to say. I noticed Aiden watching me from the corner of my eye. “Well, nice to meet you. Maybe I’ll see you next week,” I stated, not making eye contact though I knew Aiden was looking at me.

“Yeah, I’ll be here.” I looked over at him, smiled, then exited the room. I saw Jasmine walking in front of me on the way to the café.

“Jasmine!” She turned around as I scurried to catch up with her. “I think I’m going to get some coffee.” Jasmine looked at her watch. “At 7:42 in the evening?” I shrugged. “Why not?” Jasmine raised her eyebrows before rushing across the street to the coral colored building. “Whatever you say. There’s still about an hour before we close.”

We walked into the café and I headed for the counter to order a medium roast coffee from Maddie, a high school student who had just recently got a job as a barista. Jasmine walked around the counter and began cleaning and organizing.

“Have you ever seen that Aiden kid around before?”

“Nope.” Jasmine replied while wiping the counter.

“He seemed like a nice dude.”

“Yep.” Jasmine remained concentrated on cleaning.

“Here you go Lyla.” Maddie handed me a warm mug of coffee to go along with her warm smile.

“Thanks Maddie.” I took the coffee and decided to sit at the lone table in the corner. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and browsed various unproductive apps for a while before I heard footsteps approaching.

“Hey Lyla,” Jasmine sat in the seat across from me. “Do you see that guy over there?” I followed the direction of her finger to see a young man with jet-black hair and tattoos on his arms and right leg. He seemed mesmerized by the book he was reading. “Yeah, what about him?” I inquired.

“Well, he’s been in here every night for a week. Sitting in that same spot. Reading that same book.”

“So?” I took a sip of my coffee.

“He’s reading Mere Christianity.” Jasmine looked at me seriously. “He puts it back on the bookshelf every night before he leaves.”

“Hm.” I stared at the man and couldn’t help but wonder if there were some things he was questioning. Maybe he’s having a hard time. Maybe he needs a friend. Maybe I should talk to him. Nah. I’m way too exhausted right now. I truly was. The last thing I wanted to do was strike up a conversation with a stranger. Sitting in my own corner with my coffee and my phone sounded heavenly. “I don’t know, Jasmine.” I shrugged and took another sip of my coffee before I began browsing my phone again, signally to Jasmine I wanted to be alone. Jasmine turned to stand up. “I’m just curious about him, that’s all.” I assumed she got the hint because at that point she left and went back to her cleaning. I set my phone down and looked back at the man with the jet-black hair and couldn’t help but feel more and more curious myself. People came alone to the café to read all the time but there was something about his look and his demeanor that made me want to know his story and to have a conversation with him. A conversation about life, spirituality, anything. But for now all I could muster up the energy to do was to have imaginary conversations in my head. I was too exhausted for real conversation and with that thought I was off to my apartment to curl up in bed.